When a Pedestal Falls

Usually I try to keep my blogs positive, or at least introspectively neutral, but I fear this one may break that trend. Earlier today I was forwarded a news article about a guy I went to high school with. He was a senior when I was freshman. The guy, let's call him Bill (not his real name), was my brother's classmate and teammate on the soccer team. Bill barely knew me. If he knew me at all it was as “Pat's little brother.” But he was a guy I looked up to back then, first as a soccer player and then as a person. Somebody an intimidated little freshman wanted to be like. And today I learned that just last week Bill turned a gun on himself...he's gone.

In high school he was a role model. A scholar athlete, honor role student, respected by the teachers, respected by his classmates (probably the most remarkable thing I saw in him - let's face it in high school people barely respected one another), and he was a genuinely nice guy. Never saw him pick on an underclassmen even during the whole varsity hazing period at the start of the soccer season, which I as a junior-varsity newbie soccer player was grateful for. Bill had a good head on his shoulders. The guy was going places. What the hell happened??

Bill had joined the military, not sure which branch, and served in Iraq. The article alluded to him suffering from PTSD and depression as a result of his time abroad. Police responded to calls of him threatening suicide, Bill wanted to speak to a veteran and when negotiations didn't pan out he ended it. A single moment, and the young man I remember, a person to be looked up to, left us.

I've always admired those who serve in the military. Despite the person, the character it takes to put yourself on the line for the sake of the country or to defend what you believe in is an admirable quality. So I guess it was no surprise to learn Bill served. But dang...

We all suffer through dark times and low points. Some more than others. To reach a point so low, a place so dark that leaving life becomes a viable option is...well I don't even know how to describe it. Torturous maybe?

But to think, that standup guy is gone. A guy I admired even more than my big brother – ok well maybe not. I'll drop the anti-family facade, I've looked up to and admired my brother my entire life. Even still to this day whether he realizes it or not. Maybe that's the silver lining? A sobering reaction to a devastating tragedy. A sense of thankfulness to those who've ventured to those dark places and found their way back. I've found that those who do make it back shine brighter than others. And the world is better for it. I'm glad you stuck around, seriously.

My sincere condolences to Bill's family. And to Bill, I hope the torment has ended and that you have found peace.